Lust Like Silk
by RedBeadyEyes
Summary: I love her. But its always said that if you love something, you let it go. Well that's stupid. That's the last thing I want to do is let her go. She's been the one thing keeping me from splintering away, and I have to let her go? Where was my fate designed;an episode of "Jackass"? Alexis doesn't like any of the boys here so maybe that means I have a chance. YURI, OcAlexis, SAD
1. Chapter 1

**THE PROLOGUE**

2:33 AM

Contacts; Alexis Rhodes. Compose new message.

_"Hey, Lexayyy! Sup?"_

No. No. No. Erase that.

_"Alexis. Hey there. Long time no-"_

Nope. No way. Not that either.

_"I have been thinking about everything you said lately. Like, all the sudden it just hit me. Rather like a truck- a bulldozer... attached to the front of a freight train. Look, you've been on my mind ever since that day. I really like you. You're incredibly beautiful. Beyond that! And your smile, your voice, your hair, the elegant way you would draw or card or summon a monster... I think... I think I'm in love with you! Please..."_

I stared at that message slate for the longest time. I read the words over and over again. Stared at them while my finger hung over the send icon. I had been alone in my bed just watching the cursor at the end of the text blink. It started to fall into sync with the clink of water dripping from the bathroom sink. And then it collided the measure of seconds. Tik tik tik. Watching, waiting for... I don't know... something. It would have been grand if she'd been the one to text me first. Even better, if she simply knew what had been on my mind since leaving Duel Academy. But a whole month had gone by since then, so I knew she wouldn't. It was all up to me.

I missed Duel Academy. I know I dropped out, and therefore you might think it'd be stupid to miss it. Why give up something you love? Well... that seems to be a habit of mine. There's a lot of things that I love that I have to let go. Ice cream, for one. It's about time I lose some of this flub on my sides here. But also passed pets, old clothes... the love of my life. You know that old saying; "If you love someone, you have to let them go?" Yeah, well it really pisses me off. Because fate seems to be pushing that motto on me like it's a brand name sponsor that I'm supposed to represent. Hurray... being forever alone. I let things go because I love them. Sheesh, that doesn't sound very loyal, trustworthy, or romantic in the least! Nothing says "possible future-wife" like dangling you in the wind and watching you blow away. Bye, darling!

Anyways... about Duel Academy. I was only there for a short while. Three months to be exact. I totally could have been an Obelisk Blue! Well, that is, if I had talent and or skill. Which I don't. So, you guessed it. I was a Slifer Red. Another statistic in drop out pool out of the red dorm. But the school was nice and the food was good and the work I could handle. But, even for being a Slifer, I was in the Obelisk Dorm. All girls are for now due to the lack of female housing facilities in the other sects. Which, naturally when being housed with about a hundred other females, is where the problems began. Girls too have their fights for dominance, though in more discreet and soul shattering ways. Male lions will be all like in your face, trying to rip your throat out. Lionesses? Nah. They'll have to seclude you from the hunt to make you feel like you're not good enough. They'll not share the kill, because you aren't worth it. They'll make you so much of an outcast that in a lot of ways you end up making yourself fail. A slow painful death that rip out your soul instead of just your insides. Indirect murder.

And nothing sets you up for natural selection like homosexuality. Yup. That's me. The rainbow licker; Candace Vaughn. And though I don't go out of my way to flaunt and sway my lesbian-ness, at Duel Academy... it was kind of hard to miss. Because there... I met Alexis. I never really belonged anywhere, per se, until I found her company. I had friends before Duel Academy. I did. But never love. Never that true companionship, best-friend-ness that one secretly seeks whether consciously or not. She was the only one... never mind. It was too late to start reminiscing, allowing all those razor memories to come back. Swallowing them back was hardest; trying to act like nothing happened, but you can still feel the blades of yesterday scraping down your insides. Might've been easier to just rip yourself open trying to give your heart to someone than to deny it all. But whatever.

I feel like forever has gone by sitting beside myself in my bed. I still hold my phone over my head, facing off with the unsent text and the name of the haunting recipient. God, she's so beautiful... but these words are nothing. I can type and text and stare as long as ever, but no words would ever encapsulate the hurt and the passion and the weight and the yearning and the fear and the hope and... everything. Seeing my heart's sporadic speech couped up in one little text box made it all feel so flat... so pathetic. Like it wasn't good enough and everything I've been mulling over and letting thump through my heart was a waste of pain. I couldn't...

_Backspace, backspace, backspace..._


	2. FEAR

**Chapter 1**

Mom just had to come uniform shopping with me. I guess it was a pride thing. Which I wouldn't want to take away from her at all, but I really wished she did wouldn't care so much. Even the whole ride up, she'd been nothing but exciting. Fawning over how close the "big day" was coming and her baby girl was off to become a great and powerful duelist like my father. And that meant a lot to my mom. To me as well, but more to her. Dad wasn't any Yugi Muto or Seto Kaiba, but when he dueled... it wasn't to be missed. More importantly, that tournament prize money sure helped out a lot at home. Which mom was also looking forward to. We almost broke the bank getting me into Duel Academy!

I'd never been in a shop like this before being a part of the public school system and all. So I was a little nervous about purchasing my first uniform. Most of the time it was the poorer of folk that came here for their educational attire. Hand me downs, flukes, patch ups, and rentals. That's what this place was all about. There were uniforms from all over the globe it seemed, categorized onto racks and shelves. Aboshi, Chiyoda High, North and South Duelist Academies. There were even graduation, cheerleading, swim, and band uniforms to spare from each. And it all smelt like my grandmother's closet. Crispy formalness... if you an really put a scent to that.

"Oh this is so exciting!" mom cheered again.

"You know, the more you say that, the less excitement I have." I chuckled.

"Sorry, dear." mom bounced back, chipper as ever, "it's just that... this is really happening. My little girl..."

I thought she was going to weep out all her enthusiasm right there in front of the counter. But luckily the service woman returned from the back of the store wielding two plastic covered uniforms over her shoulders. Both old Slifer Red tops and skirts pressed and cleaned repeatedly to wipe the failure off of it. I don't think it worked very well because as soon as I saw the hot red, my gut sank. Simply putting that on would be like a target on my back. It meant that I, in short, sucked beyond all compare. I practically failed the written exam, and I lost one of the most important duels of my life thus far. The entrance exam. If that weren't bad enough, I couldn't even buy my way into a Ra or an Obelisk to at least pretend I wasn't that bad. Nope. I was that big red dot on the dart board everyone tries to hit now.

But mom didn't think so. I guess she's obligated to. She nearly squealed: "Oh, look at this, honey! Your uniforms! Oh my goodness!"

"Here you are, Miss Vaughn. Two Duel Academy uniforms." the woman said to me.

In a quiet store like this, people really didn't miss a thing. The moms and their bored to death kids suddenly seemed to come to life. I could see them all poke around the racks or lift their eyes over the shelves at the very name of the school. Duel Academy. Like a majestic word it was! They must have thought that I was a chosen one in some movie and what not. The golden one able to waltz among the gods. Queue angel chorus and the timpanist. I guess you could say going to Duel Academy was a pretty big deal. If you did, you were almost looked upon like a veteran of war. Reverred, respected, honored with holidays and stuff. Putting on a uniform was like fastening military medals to one's shirt.

That is... so long as it wasn't a Slifer uniform...

As soon as they saw it, many of them looked away. The glory gone, the moment of hope shattered when they saw the wires and harnesses on the floating cherubs. The magic of it was gone. And along came a few snickers from the back of the store. Couldn't miss the sounds of those. My ears were too scarred by them to ever forget the sound.

"So," the service woman's voice overpowered any of my fears, "that's two uniforms, plus the shoes. Would you like to purchase the gloves with that?"

"No thank you." said my mom.

Then as my mom whipped her battered little wallet, the lady turned to me directly. "A student at Duel Academy. Wow. You must be very proud of yourself."

"Yeah." I smiled for the credit of mother.

"Well, with the purchase of every uniform, you get 70% off school memorabilia and attire. Those Duel Academy hoodies and sweatpants are exceptionally good sellers."

I felt like she and mom were trying shield me from something a youngling shouldn't have to see. The death of mom's wallet perhaps. A brutal slaughter indeed. So I ended up, again, trying to please mom as I always did and scuffled over to knickknick shack. Sometimes my mom forgot that I was sixteen. She still hounded over me for everything. Always asking what I felt, if I had a bad day or needed to use the bathroom in that cooing voice a doting mother uses. This at least was a huge step for her; letting me go. Far away to Academy Island where I won't see her for a whole year. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. But damn...

There really wasn't anything I wanted. There were hats and keychains, and those comfy looking sweaters that all showed one's school spirit for Duel Academy. There were even bracelets and mugs and postcards for Ras and Obelisks. But almost nothing for the Slifer dorm. The discrimination of red it seemed. I guess even the marketers profiting from the school took into account the drop out rate for Slifers. No one wanted to represent that dorm so they hadn't even bothered.

Mom came again to my side, lugging the uniforms behind her.

"See anything you like, Candy?"

"No. I don't need anything."

"Alright then. Why don't we go out for some dinner, huh? Maybe get a nice farewell cake after? Hm?"

It wasn't necessary. Not at all. Especially since going to Duel Academy was beginning to feel more and more like a stage for public humiliation. But with mom so happy, as she had not often been since father's death, I couldn't bring myself to say no to her. Mom was beaming. So proud of me for what I felt like was nothingness. If only I could make myself believe as she does...

It's just... I'm scared. I'm terribly afraid of disappointing the woman who did everything, gave everything, was everything for me my whole life. I am a representation of all her hard work. Every night she stayed up with me and nightmares, every day of work she missed just to take care of me when I was sick when she could have used the money to pay our bills. My mom is the greatest. But I'm afraid... I don't want to dissapoint her in Duel Academy, Slifer or not... I don't want to crush her at all. Which is why... as I was deeply afraid of Duel Academy for its dorming situations, I hadn't told her I was homosexual. Fear held me too tightly to move.


End file.
